Zumba

Where to start on this one?

The gym offers Zumba classes and I've been wanting to go for a while and tonight the stars finally aligned so I could go.  It was an hour long class.  I made it 35 minutes.  Then I died, figuratively.

35 minutes of constant, quick-paced, heart racing dance moves.  My calves hate me, my thighs hate me, my shoulders hate me.  Don't get me wrong, it was an awesome workout and I am definitely glad that I did it.  I know every little step is bringing me closer to my goal and that's what keeps me going.  But I think I may hold off on any more Zumba classes for just a little while, and here are my reasons why:

1) The class is an hour and I only made it 35 minutes.  Now, I know in my head that after not seriously working out for any length of time for over two years, 35 minutes is good.  It is a success, not a failure.  But I still feel like a quitter, no matter how many times I tell myself.  I feel like I set myself up to fail (even though I had no idea how "difficult" the class would be for me) and that's not a good way to start when you're trying to lose weight.  You want to feel good after a workout, not disappointed, and if I'm going to be truthful, I feel disappointed, even though I know I have no reason to.

2) The class is in a huge room with a wall-to-wall, full length mirror.  So for the entire class I had to watch myself.  Not a pretty picture.  Every second of the workout I felt disgusted with myself because I was in a room with a bunch of people who were much thinner than I am, doing much better with the workout than I was.  And I know I shouldn't be comparing myself with other people, but I couldn't help it.  I felt that a fat, ugly blob and while I know, I know that I shouldn't think that way, again, I couldn't help it.  It was not a fun experience.  And then on top of it, I had to watch myself walk out, once again reinforcing the thought that I was a quitter.

So I'm not sure whether I should call tonight a success or not.  I worked out today, which is definitely a success.  Physically, I walked out feeling better, but mentally? Not so much.  And I feel like right now, my mental state is very important because the last thing I want to do is get down on myself and not be able to go back.

I think for now the plan is to keep up with the water exercises and the treadmill/elliptical until I get a slight chunk of weight off and then see where to go from there.  I'm not giving up on Zumba entirely, because it was definitely fun, the music was great...but right now, I feel like Zumba defeated me.  I want to get to a place where I can defeat Zumba.

Until next time...